Friday, October 31, 2008

What.

Standing Still by *trevg

You make my heart race and million
I want to pick out all the stars for you
Remove all your negativity because it's killing you
Want to see your smile for the first time
Hear you voice, your laughter to my jokes
Want to be able to touch your skin
Prove you exist for real.

What matters most
I have that craziness to run to you
Distance of 12342938572394091886723476235
Screw that
Make me go there
Make you come here
You and I
What exactly are we?

Torture me with an aching heart
Not knowing when your next blow comes
Saying I'm that pebble in your shoe that's not there
The sky is dark and light at the same time
The sun is black or is it
Doubting my sincerity
Do you really want me to like you
It's your call not mine.

Don't change the subjects
Don't change the noun
Don't change the verbs
Don't change anything
Answer my every doubts
Make my sky blue and clear
Crystal clear.

Or are we casual sex? A one-night stand? Been there, done that.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1:22 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

W-T-F?!

I see. Like I said, there was no real curse, I simply played a trick. The power of suggestion is magic enough at times. ?!?!?!?!??!?!
It is a difficult subject to get to at the moment, as I am still somewhat shellshocked about what happened, as there was no warning. I am unsure whether I can trust you at the moment. I am also trying to use other subjects to distract you from negative thoughts, but it does not work, so I will stop changing the subject now.
I need time to ponder whether I should risk trusting you again.??!?!?!?!?!? If you really do like me, then I should be able to trust you, but I have doubts.
--J

--- On Thu, 30/10/08, Beverly Lin sihui wrote:

From: Beverly Lin sihui
Subject: Re: i'm not done... yet.
To: jamesuddin@yahoo.co.uk
Date: Thursday, 30 October, 2008, 3:03 PM

I deleted YahooIM after our big fight because I was too pissed and just deleted everything that reminded me of you. I mean... you must pretty much hate me loads to have done that curse thingy and all. Also, why do you keep avoiding the topic about US and that I've feelings for you??

I just saw the message through ebuddy. So you're not as bad as I thought since you did reply. (:

-Beverly

From: James Uddin
To: Beverly Lin sihui
Sent: Thursday, 30 October 2008 9:47:43
Subject: Re: i'm not done... yet.

I did actually send a message back, on Yahoo Messenger, but you obviously did not login to recieve it. It should still be there waiting. I automatically assumed that you did recieve the message.
I am willing ?!?!?!??!?! shouldn't that be me? to communicate with you again, but I'm not sure if I can survive a 3rd Revolution, so I will be more cautious this time.
I will find the time to watch those shows.
--James

--- On Thu, 30/10/08, Beverly Lin sihui wrote:
From: Beverly Lin sihui
Subject: Re: i'm not done... yet.
To: jamesuddin@yahoo.co.uk
Date: Thursday, 30 October, 2008, 3:17 AM

When I sent that ecard, I was thinking if I would get any response from you. You should have taken the opportunity to reply or something!! O_O I was kinda disappointed that you din't reply anything at all. If I had never sent that LONG email, will you ever write me again?

*The shows are on crunchyroll but if they're taken out, you can go to http://www.mysoju.com .
-Beverly

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 12:45 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Thursday, October 30, 2008

The rest of it bfore I went to bed.

Until now, he hasn't addressed the issue that I've been saying I like him. He hasn't said that he likes me to me. YET. He really needs to read this blog. SERIOUSLY.HA! LIKE THAT'S EVER GONNA HAPPEN.

Oh yes I remember he has changed the spelling of his name, something about it being a Hebrew spelling of a powerful word.
If your friends really are protective walls, you should be able to show them everything without them leaving. If they leave, then they are not protective walls as much as they are frail fences that get blown away in the wind, or climbed over by criminals.
As for me, I was wondering if you would ever contact me again. Until my birthday I thought I had damaged you too badly for normalisation of friendship. (He should have took it as a sign to keep in contact. DUH!) If this can be fixed, anything can be done, as I have had far lesser things happen that are not fixable.
I will see about watching those things you listed, are they on Crunchyroll?
Once again, I am sorry for being so blind and careless. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DUH
I look forward to hearing from you.
--J

--- On Wed, 29/10/08, Beverly Lin sihui wrote:
From: Beverly Lin sihui
Subject: Re: i'm not done... yet.
To: jamesuddin@yahoo.co.uk
Date: Wednesday, 29 October, 2008, 6:33 PM

Thank you..I'm glad to hear that you're sorry. I'm sorry for what I've done as well, for hurting you. Kaleb(it's K now not C, he decided to change it). My friends have been my protective walls and I tell them everything except that I have a facade or maybe one or two of them knows. Maybe because I'm afraid that if I show it, they'll leave? Ok crap. I'm blogging all of this so they'll know now anyhow. If you want to know Kaleb told me you seemed like you were replying me for the sake of replying and that you were very "wu(2)liao(2)". He was saying also why were you talking about heritage and that he really feels like laughing after he read your reply.

I don't know why I do all that "garden/ house keeping" and maybe because I thought I could hide the ugly me since people tend to think I'm crude and don't act like a girl and be a girl for once. Who knew that I'll end up liking you (which I did not expect myself to) and causing all of this to happen because of my hiding. And I know of your incapability to sense things, I'm sorry for being so insensitive because I've never really had a friend who isn't able to sense/feel emotions normally. And maybe because I'm am loud person so ... I tend to lean towards overexpressive emotions. Which mean that when I told you I was crazy, it probably will translate to me being SUPER CRAZY and SUPERLY LOUD and SUPERLY VULGAR?????? Just watch ,"My Sassy Girl" and "My Tutor's Friend" and you'll know what I might be like in real life.

-Beverly

From: James Uddin
To: Beverly Lin sihui
Sent: Thursday, 30 October 2008 2:09:21
Subject: Re: i'm not done... yet.

Well, I do mean I am sorry, and I was responsible for everything here. I have never been in any situation like this before, so I might say exactly the opposite of what I actually want. What I want is for the wounds to heal. I am very sorry that I did this, and I will try not to do this again.
I thought your friends were your protective walls. When I talked to Caleb, he gave me the impression that he was looking out for you every step of the way, and I thought all your friends were like that. I wish I had lots of friends looking out for me.
Unfortunately I could not read what was said between you and him, as my computer can no longer support Chinese characters, and I cannot seem to be able to re-install it, and between you and me, this copy for windows is illegal, apparrently, so I am unable to download the software.
I am aware that you have been brushing all the crumbs under the carpet and weeding the garden so that I see only the good side of you, but I am incabable (It's incapable) of actually doing that, so you have been seeing the real me, and I am seeing a watered down version of you, so this might explain a fraction of the trouble.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 11:02 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

WHAT?!?! HUH?!?!

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 2:16 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Sent this too!

I post my emails between us on my blog so that my best friends will know. Here's what one has got to say. Oh and you know him. It's Kaleb.

beverlyHEELS *forbidden fruit says (1:58 AM):
readin?
Kaleb Ryo Tatsuya Salvete. Mihi nomen est kaleb. 20 Annos natus sum. Suava te cognoscere est says (1:59 AM):
done
Kaleb Ryo Tatsuya Salvete. Mihi nomen est kaleb. 20 Annos natus sum. Suava te cognoscere est says (1:59 AM):
his email like dun reply to ur email
Kaleb Ryo Tatsuya Salvete. Mihi nomen est kaleb. 20 Annos natus sum. Suava te cognoscere est says (1:59 AM):
hahaha
Kaleb Ryo Tatsuya Salvete. Mihi nomen est kaleb. 20 Annos natus sum. Suava te cognoscere est says (1:59 AM):
like 讲废话
Kaleb Ryo Tatsuya Salvete. Mihi nomen est kaleb. 20 Annos natus sum. Suava te cognoscere est says (2:01 AM):
为了reply 而 reply 你的 lor 他很无聊leiz
Kaleb Ryo Tatsuya Salvete. Mihi nomen est kaleb. 20 Annos natus sum. Suava te cognoscere est says (2:02 AM):
我看了都想笑咯
beverlyHEELS *forbidden fruit says (2:02 AM):
HAHAHHA
beverlyHEELS *forbidden fruit says (2:02 AM):
yea
beverlyHEELS *forbidden fruit says (2:02 AM):
exactly.
Kaleb Ryo Tatsuya Salvete. Mihi nomen est kaleb. 20 Annos natus sum. Suava te cognoscere est says (2:02 AM):
神经病的
beverlyHEELS *forbidden fruit says (2:02 AM):
can i tell him u said tt?
*
You have just sent a nudge.
*
You have just sent a nudge.
*
Kaleb Ryo Tatsuya Salvete. Mihi nomen est kaleb. 20 Annos natus sum. Suava te cognoscere est says (2:04 AM):
他讲什么heritage吗
Kaleb Ryo Tatsuya Salvete. Mihi nomen est kaleb. 20 Annos natus sum. Suava te cognoscere est says (2:04 AM):
可以
Kaleb Ryo Tatsuya Salvete. Mihi nomen est kaleb. 20 Annos natus sum. Suava te cognoscere est says (2:04 AM):
没问题的
beverlyHEELS *forbidden fruit says (2:04 AM):
HAHHAHAHA
Kaleb Ryo Tatsuya Salvete. Mihi nomen est kaleb. 20 Annos natus sum. Suava te cognoscere est says (2:05 AM):
anyway 我说的是真的吗 hahahahahahahaha

I have my sarcastic side too, if you havent noticed. It's still me, except I'm no longer nice.

I did sent that last line -points up- and looks like he's got nothing to reply.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 2:06 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Laugh or Cry?

I have no idea whether to laugh or to cry, maybe I'm crying but the tears don't come so I'm laughing. Seriously. Why did you play that trick? It wasn't fun at all for both of us as you know the ending which was my outburst. And I really don't want to know what your mother thinks of me anymore. And because I've said I'm blunt, I'm going to completely change your idea of me because I say swear words ALL the time and... What The Fuck. Okay? What in the world does my email got to do with my heritage?!? I accept that I'm Chinese but I'm not from China, I'm Singaporean which mean no links to China at all. And recently China has not impressed me with all it's covering up and shallowness.

Oh, when I meant 4s and 8s it was the fact that you made the link between the numbers and our friendship. It has nothing to do with omens or the Olympians because as insecure as I am, I'm a positive thinker and that's why I can maintain my facade (only of which you know of and I have no idea why I'm telling you this) all the time.

Thank you for taking the blame but I was kinda expecting a ,"I'm sorry" especially after you decided to "curse" me. And if it's gnawing at your side, I wrote this email and I did not ask my friends for any opinions whatsoever.

Love to see what you have to say.
-Beverly

I SAID IT! I SAID WHAT THE FUCK.
OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1:58 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

He's response.

Re: i'm not done... yet.

James Uddin

ViewThursday, 30 October 2008 1:08:04

To:Beverly Lin sihui

OK, I will give an honest response. My mother did not actually place a curse, I was actually playing a mind trick, which was an atrocity that I should not have committed.
My mother thinks that you are mentally unstable, and she will probably have a go at me if I tell her I sent this message to you. I know for sure that you resent your heritage. I feel the same way about my British heritage at times, but I accept it, and I make peace with it.
You said that you were sad that I did not send hate mail. I sent no hate mail because I thought that would make things worse.
I also think I know why 4 and 8 appear everywhere, and it is nothing to do with me. 4 is a bad number, and 8 is a good number, so it represents the fight between good and evil. 4 and 8 added together makes 12, this represents the 12 Olympians the gods of ancient Greece, those who are fighting the fight. I thought about it last night in fact and arrived at this conclusion.
I thought my space talk was boring you and you were uninterested. I have few other interests, although my talk on herbs and crops are hardly interesting talk.
I will take the blame for your revolution. I accept that I was nudging you to breaking point, but I am like this. When I see something hanging loose, I have to poke it and set it free. I assume full responsibility for what we have both done, as I was the one that caused you to be upset, so all the things you said to me were my fault.
How many other people have the Chinese name Jinlong? The only other Jinlong I know of is the mayor of Beijing. James is a common name, but not Jinlong.
I await the rest of what you have to say.
--James

WHAT IN THE FUCKING WORLD DOES MY EMAIL HAVE TO DO WITH MY HERITAGE?!

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1:39 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Unclothed and Honest

*Unclothed_and_Honest_by_ERIN_boo

As the title says, UNCLOTHED AND HONEST, that's what I am going to be with James. Honest and pouring my heart out to him. I have to tell him. Now that I've got that off my chest, I don't feel better at all. As much as I know he'll never forgive me, I hope he does because I don't think I'll ever forget him.
EVER.

Hi...it's been almost a month now. First of all, I'm really sorry. I know that you're still mad about my outburst at you and that you'll probably never forgive me and also because you said that you remember grudges. I did not send this on your birthday because I din't want to ruin it for you and because it was your birthday and that made me think more about you. And here is where I'll pour my guts out to you.

The thing is, that message that night was something that my friend typed out and asked me to send to you. I just dint want to admit that you do know me that well to even tell when something is from me or not. Okay, why will my friend type that? It's because I tell her about us and my feelings and my thoughts about you and well sometimes I know that because of your condition, it's hard for you to tell when I have sort of "switched off" in a conversation.

Personally, the only things about ET that I believe are that they exist. Somewhere out there so... when you go on about them for like an hour I'm completely spaced out and i have no idea what i should reply at times but i just think of something or else I'll admit that I have no idea what you're talking about. It's because we're talking so little, I sorta wanted us to talk about stuff that we both like. Like movies and music and random mundane things we do everyday, I still don't know what sort of movies and music that you like. That time, I asked for your voice clip for some friend of mine? It was just an excuse to hear your voice because (the whole world knows that) I like you and a girl who lives on the other end of the world wants to hear the voice of the guy she likes. Is there anything wrong with that? I know that you don't have means of recording but you could have used your aunt's camera or something to record and video to send me? I was going to use Caleb's international phone call card to call you then I remembered, I don't have your number. You can call me desperate or anything but I really wanted to hear your voice.

About my thoughts of your existence, you're right again. It was started by my friends and I started adding on to it, sometimes I think you're a person with a made up name and using his cousin's photos or else it's a group of teenage boys playing a prank. It's hard to believe that someone will like me needless say, the person that I like! I want so badly to reaffirm that you are real and that there is someone out there who really likes me. Then again, when I have convinced myself that you're real I'll have doubts that you're only liking me because you think you like me. Or because I like you and you don't want to hurt my feelings so you make yourself like me. I am a person with friends backstabbing me, and lying to me and ignoring me for no reason. I'm very, very insecure about myself and my capabilities to make true friends. Now that I have true friends, I have lesser of an attitude problem. I use to flare up for the tiniest things and my friends and I, we fight for no reason at all and can even fight and make up everyday. Soon I just started to give in because I don't want to lose any.

Not many have seen me lose it, it's only when I'm hurt or have loads bottled up inside will I because some sort of erupted volcano. It's either nice Beverly or raging Beverly on drugs, there's seldom an in between. Sometimes, I smile at my friends even when I'm screaming inside for the same reason(not to piss them). Until now, only my best friend Cherlyn has seen my truest, most ugly self.

For you, it's more bottled up and the reason why I told you that my blog is off-limits is also because I din't want you to hear my true thoughts and see that ugly person that I am. It's my fear of people running away from me, that drives more people away. The one main reason that I was so pissed that day was not that you told your mother about me but the fact that you forwarded the message for your mother, to me. The fact that you telling me she placed a curse on me. It really tore me apart that night because it was exactly what it seemed to me: you doing that, is approving all that she is saying about me. You were calling me crazy and you were cursing me, imagine me telling you all of that. Will you like it? Then again you might not like me as much as I like you so, the hurt might be lesser. I like you to the point where I can be ranting in the day, "Oh James din't come online again, 'cause he's got school" and when you do come online and go, "I'm sorry I late" or something... My heart immediately goes into "aw" mode and I'll think you're so cute telling me you're late and whatnots.

When I am pissed with someone, I can go all out and people have like you told me that I've changed but that is only when I'm really mad at somebody. I know that it must have hurt when I said that my time was wasted on you and I said it out of anger and there wasn't a filter between my brain and the computer keys. I regretted after a few days because I was thinking about it and I know that if you had said that to me, I'll rather your mother cursed me or you just shoot me. So I'm sorry that I said that even if it was out of anger because nobody is a waste of anybody's time.

I am going to be an ass and demand a response from you no matter how much you hate me or don't want to reply, and if you're not going to forgive me, you need to provide me with 10 fool-proof methods to forget you. Because:

1. I can go to town and shout your name at the top of my voice and 20 people will turn my direction and say, "YES?" And this doesn't include my cousin, my friend's boyfriend, my classmates, and my outside-of-school friends.
2. The stars come out at night and night happens EVERY night.
3. I see numbers 4 and 8 everywhere.
4. My friend just said her friend wanted to start everything afresh and claims he's from SPACE.
5. I get sad/happy/excited when I see your picture on Facebook.
6. I'm angry at you for doing all that you do to make me hate and like you.
7. I'm super sad that you did not even send me random hate mail to show that at least I'm still on your mind.
9. Because I miss your endless space talk.
10. Because I have a soft spot for you and (like my friend said),have made yourself pretty comfortable in there.

So. Tell me how in the WORLD?! am I suppose to forget you? It's remotely impossible. It's mission impossible.

Sincerely (still) yours,
Beverly

By the way, it's 1258 words in total. The email.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 9:47 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

* http://myplay.com/files/imagecache/ginormous_square/files/artist_images/backstreetBoys.jpg

There you go, caught you crashing my dreams again
Just when I'm trying to get over you.
I tell my heart but
I can't seem to comprehend
A day without you.
Now you're gone
Got a life
But I wear the scars
Reminding me by the hour
That it's time to accept it's the way the things are
I wish I could but...

Can't imagine it any other way
A world without you is only wasted space
You're gone and I'll always wonder
Why it can't be any other way, any other way

Since you drained all the color out of the sky
How am I supposed to feel
It's like I'm living in somebody else's life
Tell me it's not real

I can't imagine it any other way
A world without you is only wasted space
You're gone and I'll always wonder
Why it can't be any other way, any other way

Can't imagine it any other way
A world without you is only wasted space
You're gone and I'll always wonder
Why it can't be any other way, any other way

Like we never had a falling out
Like the tears, they never hit the ground
Like you're still here, you're still here

Since you drained all the color out of the sky

I can't imagine it any other way
A world without you is only wasted space
You're gone and I'll always wonder
Why it can't be any other way
[Why does it have to be, why does it have to be]
A world without you is only wasted space
You're gone and I'll always wonder
Why it can't be any other way, any other way

Thank you Backstreet Boys!!! It's something that I'm feeling as of now and WOW... a boy band feeling that?! AWESOME. O-K. I HAVE NO IDEA IF JAMES HAS SEEN THE ECARD BECAUSE HALLMARK.COM HAS NOT SENT ME THE EMAIL NOTIFICATION THAT HE HAS SEEN IT AND I GOT GOOSEBUMPS, THE WORKS JUST BY LOOKING AT HIS FACEBOOK.COM PROFILE PICTURE. Is it still crazy that I haven't deleted him off Facebook.com? But I don't want him to disappear off, EVEN if his mother did curse me and he DID forward every single drop of poison to me. Kinda regretting being myself that day. ):

i miss him LOADS. fuck it.

Watched HSM III with Fre today.

Zac Efron was GAY as ever on stage and FINALLY!
Somebody agrees with me on VanessLUT's nasal voice. Which she totally has.
Everyone in the show except Ashley Tisdale and Olesya Rulin and KayCee Stroh totally were NOT in character.
They hoochi-fied their roles ESP MISS VANESSLUT HUDGENS.
Songs were GREAT as usual!!! Love Ashley Tisdale and Lucus Grabeel.
The Evan Twins.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1:19 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Monday, October 27, 2008

FIRST Vlog!

Hey BABES! Uploaded my very first VLOG! Coolness! I'm gonna upload some pics of my newly updated room. My very own "Louvre"! YAYNESS!

Painted my white shelf and found an old girl guide board. Blue-tacked it up.

MY Mona Lisa/ a Da Vinci copy my mom had stashed somewhere in all the junk/ my batik

LASTLY....

MY SICK FACE.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 10:06 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

*rock star.

*XVII___The_Star_by_DalaiHarma

Mummy's such a ROCK STAR because she did NOT even yell at me when the retarded letter from the retarded poly came to tell about my missing classes for three days or more in a row. Which I TOTALLY did. But what's the use of going to poly when the freaking school treats you like a high school kid? RIDICULOUS.

Anyway...what does forbidden fruit taste like because I want to have my share in the form of a "panda". Since he's so nice....haix~ Why can't James be like that?! WHY?WHY?WHY? And his stupid birthday is coming up. Spaz me wants to wish him a "Happy 20th Birthday!" and thinks that he'll probably delete the message from his inbox and never respond. Sooooooo???

Why can't I ever have the green light for romance? Is it really that hard to find a guy who'll like me for who I am? Must I really tone down and act all ladylike? That's not me...DOH! I'm crazy...and loud....I don't want to be that petite..polite person?! I LIKE BEING BLUNT.

RAWR.......

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1:13 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Sunday, October 26, 2008

ZHNGED

NEWLY ZHNGED WATCH... and guess what?
It died on me again! As usual... my watch dies only when I wear it out and it stays alive when I don't wear it. WTF?!

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 10:34 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Friday, October 24, 2008

WHISTLE REGISTER!

OMGGGGGGGGGGG
OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
OMFFFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I CAN HIT WHISTLE REGISTER NOTES WHEN I'M SICK SORE THROAT!!!
WHISTLE REGISTER NOTES!!!
LIKE IN LOVING YOU!!! I CAN SING ALLLL THE NOTES!!!!!!!!
OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFG....LOVE SORE THROAT!!!!!!

10:50am:
hahaha...only could sing it like 2-3 times.. Officially cant sing those notes now. PAIN PAIN PAIN...WATER PLEASE! It's the first time I LOVE sore throat because I HIT THE NOTES IN LOVING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 10:48 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

*cough_it_up__by_polaroad

- COUGH!! COUGH!! COUGH!! COUGH!! COUGH!!- AHEM AHEM..
T_T I'm isck with sore throat but it's like dry coughing all the time and clearing my throat is like clearing nothing at all.

I'm thinking more of him now, since his birthday is nearing the corner. It's next tuesday, 28 October. Wonder how he's coping over there in the UK, he must have found talking to me a terrible chore. He's probably enjoying all the free time he has to play his PC games or eat his dinner at the normal pace without me IM-ing him all the time.

It's probably the best for both of us. Yeah...I'm sure it is. If we're fated to be, God will plan for us.
(=

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 2:21 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Sunday, October 19, 2008

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG FUCK ME! FUCK ME! !@#$%^&*()*&^%$#@
DAMN IT, I DROPPED MY CANON POWERSHOT BECAUSE I WANTED TO TAKE A SHOT OF MY CONTACT LENSES. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGG

-SLAP/ DROPKICK/ BODY SLAM/ BOOB SLAP/ hang myself-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm such a bloody asshole.
damnit!!!!!!!!
omgomgomgomgomgomgomg.
MY CAMERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!
SOMEBODY GO WITH ME TO SERVICE PLEASEEEE!

THE LENSES ARE CROOKED!!!!! IT CAN'T BE RETRACTED!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH....FUCKING MEGA VIDEO DIED ON ME!!!!!!!

-GRRRRRRRRRRRROWLLLLLLLL-
I WANT MY CAM FIXED AND UGLY BETTY NOOOOW!!!!!!!!!

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME GOD?!?!??!?!?!

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 7:59 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

L-O-V-E?

*That_it_only_took_a_moment____by_lastscionz

Love is a many-splendored thing,
It's the April rose that only grows in the early spring,
Love is nature's way of giving a reason to be living,
The golden crown that makes a man a king.
Once on a high and windy hill,
In the morning mist two lovers kissed and the world stood still,
Then your fingers touched my silent heart and taught it how to sing,
Yes, true love's a many-splendored thing.

Really? For real? I don't think that it's that splendory at all. Since I haven't been love before and all..can all those who have tell me something about it? Should I be depressed over the fact that I've never had anyone other then my friends and family loving me?

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 3:19 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Friday, October 17, 2008

PISSED.

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCMKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKCFUFVK
I'M FUCKING PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 11:01 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

internal protest.

*Star_Ferry__by_snowmask

Can I draw all my protests on you? If I could, you'll know that I am suppressing it every time I talk to you. TRUELY.

My insides are SCREAMING out to me because it's a brain thing to tell the body what to do. Without the brain, no body will be able to survive because there is nothing telling them what to do. So HELP!!!! BECAUSE MY BODY IS NOT RESPONDING TO THE SIGNALS OF MY BRAIN. AYE! What's wrong with you? Why haven't I learnt the lesson after what happened with James?! I'm not going to have to learn the same lesson again right!? It's kinda obvious the both of us at the start the reason why "WE" won't work and I still continued and in the end? Our friendship ended like 5 months into it. Gave almost my all and ended up getting hurt, both by him and his mother. Like....BF MUCH?!?! BF meaning Bitch Fit and not BoyFriend.

HAVE TO STOP THINKING OF HIM AND HOW ADORABLE HE IS AT TIMES. NO MATTER WHAT MY BODY SAYS, LISTEN TO THE BRAIN!! Listen to the internal protest!

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 6:23 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Crazy lil' thing called love

*sigh_by_chryztoph

-worried- DON'T FALL FOR HIM!!!!!!!!!!!
DON'T DON'T DON'T.
FRIENDS ONLY.
FRIENDS!!!!!!!
F-R-I-E-N-D-S.
He probably only treats me as a friend. OK???!!!!!!
-SLAP SLAP. HIT HIT. SLAP SLAP-

RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 10:28 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

My ivy covered lamp.

Ivylight* By me.

Stumped that I did not complete stupid test in the 30 minutes given to us!!! ))= And it was for my favourite module too. Anyway... I've been a slacker for a long time since last week. W-T-F is going on with me, tired more often now that I got "Mr Good-Riddance!" out of my life, my safe-hole, my little tea cosy. Thankful that CPC, San San, SL for always telling me off for thinking about him and how I MIGHT forgive him because I DON'T WANT TO!!! Also to Sheri & Nesha & Blenz who helped psycho me through it! God Bless you all! And of course, NEVER FORGETTING my BBFFs( for 6 years) for being there when I complained about my UPs and DOWNs regarding "Mr Good-Riddance!". (((= can't ever smile if you both were'nt in my life!!!

HAHAHA...I FREAKING ASKED JOSH FOR HIS NUMBER! LIKE...W-T-F was I thinking about?!??! LAWLLLLLLLL... ... He was like "whaaaaaat.". HAHHAHA...TIO STUN! And he's crazy about BLACK BLACK BLACK. Meaning black hair with black eyes with black clothes, and that Asians are ADORABLE. GO US!!!!!!! hahahhaa xD And NO WAY... will I EVER wear a full light pink outfit with the whole *AC-FIED look. NEVER EVER.

Ps. I zhaoed class halfway today. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING TO ME!??!!?! Where's my inspiration gone?!

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1:18 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Monday, October 13, 2008

Gladia...WHAT?!

The YESes and NOs of Gladiators. Personally I think that Gladiator heels/ flats are MADE to clash with even the clothes that goes with it. It's to EDGE out a feminine look or to make a fierce look MORE EDGY AND GLADIATOR-ESS. However, not all starlets get the look because they can go from
THIS....TO HORRIFYING THAT.

*http://ngoisao.net/News/Thoi-trang/2007/09/3B9C0D31/gladiator_sandals.jpg

Gladiator number 2 will NEVER work with something as classic as a dress with a balero, even with a waist-thick belt to help edge-fy it. GLADIATORS??? MORE LIKE GLADIABLAH!!!!! Whatever happened to

That clean-cut gyspy hippie look with the sandals?

*http://www.collegefashion.net/trends/spring-fashion-trend-gladiator-heels/
Or the fullness of the dress that flows too good with the stiffness of the Gladiators?

*http://www.collegefashion.net/trends/spring-fashion-trend-gladiator-heels/
Or the classic-hot-legs look with Gladiator heels?

What ever happened to this Disney Starlets?

*http://www.runwaydaily.com/runwaydaily/images/2008/03/19/gladiator_sandals_on_ashley_tisdale.jpg

Uber casual to gorgeously glam?? Are you kidding me? Runwaydaily needs a brand new creative editor.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 9:08 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Leggings as pants?

I think NOT! How can people possibly think that leggings are pants when they're SUPER tight and not to mention sheer at some point? Noticeable VPLs and Cameltoes!? Erm...the Fashion Police should have caught on to it by now. Not all of us can be Lindsay Lohan.

*http://images.usatoday.com/life/_photos/2006/05/11/lohan-getty.jpg

She's a HOLLYWOOD actress for one and not all of us are actresses needless say Hollywood starlets! WEM Losers!!!!!! Furthermore, open your big eyes are see that LL's actually wearing Leggings ACCORDING to the book(<---not often and that's where I'll totally go against her). It's pants paired with a top that actually COVERS HER ASS! O_O shocker that lots of girls in Singapore did not catch that? I agree with the article that when people wear normal cotton Tees with your normal leggings, it's PURE LAZINESS to find something that would actually work with the top! SERIOUSLY.

Find yourself a matching top becfore you attempt around walk down Orchard Road or worse, your school. Seriously! No guy/ girl will want to see your *tush* hanging out, with VPLs and Cameltoes.
UN..SIGHTLY!
Here's one SERIOUSLY bad example: Sierra Miller

*http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/images/2007/01/Sienna%20Miller%20Underwear.JPG

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 8:49 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Saturday, October 11, 2008

He NEEDS to apologise

*sorry_by_fludish
He better look like this when he EVENTUALLY does apologise for his SINS.

Don't apologise for nothing! Apologise for allowing it to happen and apologise for breaking my heart. Seriously, he NEEDS to EFFING apolgise to me. EVEN IF:
1. I might not ever forgive him completely
2. Or I might
3. Or... I'll totally piss him into apologising and when he does, I'll just diss him.

What the hey! He's just another pebble in my shoe, a FUCKINGLY IRRITATING ONE THAT IS, that doesn't want to come put no matter how many times I jerk the EFFING shoe.

Totally had a fun time with Jean/ HER James/ Fre...hahaha. Made me remember but then forgot about HIM for the whole night later on because J's James was being funny and gross at the same time. Only got reminded when J's James talked about playing with the Ouji board, which totally reminded me of HIM. Connected to like spirits/ witchcraft and all. Fre totally understood too. Like thanks you all! Love ya to bitx for helping me cope. HAHAHA

**Can't wait for BBFFs OUTING!

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 2:23 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Chromatic thoughts

*http://www.ubergizmo.com/

Latest iPod ever! As the picture says it's called "nano-chromatic", ain't it cool or what?! I want that iPod... so prettttttttyyyy~ Reason for this picture because it kinda reminds of my current feelings/ mood. Chromatic scales= all the notes on the piano although it leans towards being more minor-ish, it gives me that feeling it's neither major nor minor but it's both TOGETHER. Because of "AHEM!" it's making me all PMS-y at times and just be a stoner at other times. Having my adrenaline pumping everytime I get reminded of "AHEM!" because there are SO MANY people with that name or when "AHEM!" suddenly creeps into my mind.

I hate "AHEM!".
Thanks for all the LAUGHS/ FIRSTS you gave me but that's not worth it, now that you broke my heart.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 9:23 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Monday, October 6, 2008

쌉빌놈!!!!!!!!!

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 12:13 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Saturday, October 4, 2008

new YORK NEW york

Suggested to my mother to go for dinner at "new YORK new YORK". >__<

"wel...COME!!" OMGNESS AT THE HORRENDOUS ENGLISH THAT GREETS US WHEN WE ENTER. It was a terrible attempt to welcome the customers because "bo feel..." ALAMAK! It's the same failed attempt as the Japanese Restaurants', "masa...MA...SA!!!!!!!"-.- it's ARASHIMASE!!!!!!!!!! FOR GAWD'S SAKE.

We ordered MEAT PLATTER!!!!!!!!
DELISH!

YUMMY SPRING CHICKEN!!!

SWEET AND SOUR COLESAW!!!!!!!
WOOTS*

RAWRRRRRRRRRR.... SLURP! SHUUU!!!!

Mmmm....MMMHHH!

OUR MASTERPIECE!!
WE FINISHED IT ALL!!!!

FULL ON MASTICATED CHICKEN.

Here's the number one murderer!!!!

That chicken was delicious!! Need to quench my thirst.

Murderer no. 2: MOMMY.

Murderer no. 3: ME!!!
[Thinking: OMGOMGOMG. I'M EFFING UNGLAM.]

The End.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 12:21 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words

Friday, October 3, 2008

Get out of my head.

*Get_Out_by_ShieldedWords

Get out. GET THE HELL OUTTA MY HEAD!
Yesterday wasn't very hard but I was still FREAKING pissed over that person and," Thank you my friends for psycho-ing me more" xD I'm gonna psycho my friends who need me too!! Muackx~

I love my BBFFs and my BFFs because they were there for me when I was down because of HIM and they were there during the HAPPY times. Well there's that saying " Before you meet your prince, you get to kiss a lot of frogs". APPARENTLY. HE'S A TOAD!!

Training today was fun AT THE START because RPWS came to be music accompaniment and it went downhill because I was made to sing Soprano one in "Candyman". I was like "WTF" because I really practiced SO much for the lead part to get it and to make sure that I got every note right and now I've to learn the Soprano one in such a short time. Why can't they all practice at home? Get it right! It's not THAT hard at all, this song. Furthermore there was enough time to get it with the midi and all. If I can get it on monday, you all better get it down by then.

The Tenors have to SERIOUSLY practice OK. WTH, it's not that hard.
** He BETTER apologise.

what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1:44 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words