Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Problem Statement: Is there hope?
*Suicide_by_ImmaculateMurder
If only I were brave enough to do so because it's getting harder and harder at times to talk to James because he's being so UNEMOTIONAL at times and I can't stand it at times. In the end, the people at the receiving end are my BFFs and good friends who comfort me or ask me to confront him. I guess being brave for my friends is being different having courage to face James at times.
Our chats are getting from bad to worse, longer ones to shorter ones. He doesn't like talk to me as much even when I do not respond to him. What am I suppose to do?? It's probably not meant to be, and I have a feeling that sooner or later the feelings will fade to oblivion and I'll only treat him as my friend. This cannot go on!! Or else... THAT will happen.
This is our conversation.
♥JAJA: Hi, I am online today <---What kind of start of a conversation is this??!
♥JAJA: u there?
Beverly Lin sihui: yeap!
♥JAJA: I almost thought you had dozed off or something
Beverly Lin sihui: i was brushin my teeth
♥JAJA: ah
♥JAJA: so you will be going to sleep very shortly then
Beverly Lin sihui: depends
Beverly Lin sihui: hhaha
Beverly Lin sihui: ive got no sch for THREE DAYS!
♥JAJA: wow, nice
Beverly Lin sihui: haha
Beverly Lin sihui: xD
♥JAJA: hehe
♥JAJA: well, I had my Chinese lesson yesterday, and my teacher is impressed with my skill.
♥JAJA: Also, I was glad when China's spacemen came home safely
Beverly Lin sihui: YAY for your chinese lesson!!!
Beverly Lin sihui: ))= for e safe journey back
Beverly Lin sihui: hahaha
Beverly Lin sihui: i'm so cruel
Beverly Lin sihui: haha
♥JAJA: the three astronauts were selected in 1998, and have put a lot or work for that mission, they were very brave going up there, especially Zhai Zhigang.
Beverly Lin sihui: haha..ok, fine i'll clap for thm
♥JAJA: hehe
♥JAJA: I know you are not exactly proud of China's space program
Beverly Lin sihui: xD nono, nt tt im nt proud of e space program. Not proud of china
♥JAJA: well, it is your grandmother country, so show it some respect <--- So fierce for what?
♥JAJA: 5000 years of culture and civilisation, you can't knock that
Beverly Lin sihui: ))))= i overslpt in e bus today. Banged my head against the window and woke up.
♥JAJA: eek! Ouch! and hehheheheheheheh!
Beverly Lin sihui: ))))))))))))))=
♥JAJA: I can never sleep while on the move, it does not seem to be in my nature
Beverly Lin sihui: u laugh at me....
Beverly Lin sihui: T_T
♥JAJA: well, seeing somone headbobbing seems funny to me
Beverly Lin sihui: )):
♥JAJA: there was something I saw long ago, but I cannot find it anymore, something far worse than simple head bobbing. Someone was asleep on a waterbed or something very bouncy, and someone else jumped on it, and the sleeping man went flying!
Beverly Lin sihui: lol!!
Beverly Lin sihui: but tt's so bad!!!!
♥JAJA: hehe I could not help it
Beverly Lin sihui: well, e bus ride's quite smooth and i fall aslp everytime I return home from school. School's tiring..)=
♥JAJA: hehe I know how you feel, I sometimes end up crashing out when I get back home
Beverly Lin sihui: )= u noe how i feel yet.....so unsympathetic for me!!!
♥JAJA: well, I do find it hard showing emotions, but that does not mean I dont have them
Beverly Lin sihui: well...u can learn right?? I mean slowly?
♥JAJA: I guess
♥JAJA: I have just been in an environment where people keep their emotions below the surface, and I do this more than anyone else
Beverly Lin sihui: well..dere's always a first..((=
♥JAJA: indeed
What's there to talk about??? *sobs* I feel like going off and not tell him at times to let him know what it is like to be at the receiving end of it. ))= But just not having the heart to do so. Just hearing from SL that he went for dinner and my reaction was W-T-F because he din't tell me any thing.
3:15AM
♥JAJA: Hi, I just had my dinner
Beverly Lin sihui: haha, ya, caleb told me
Beverly Lin sihui: hahaha
Beverly Lin sihui: LOL
♥JAJA: ah
♥JAJA: he went to bed a few moments ago
♥JAJA: I wanted to get back to him, but I took way too long
Beverly Lin sihui: hha, he's gng to bed
Beverly Lin sihui: haha
♥JAJA: I think I told you about my Chinese name, Jin Long. I found out that there is a temple in Singapore by that very name
♥JAJA: hehe
Beverly Lin sihui: there is?
Beverly Lin sihui: i din't even noe tt
♥JAJA: yes, in Serangoon
♥JAJA: there are protests because the government is trying to move the site
Beverly Lin sihui: i don't stay in serangoon!
Beverly Lin sihui: so i dont noe
♥JAJA: there is an a sacred tree there, and it would be defiled if it were moved
♥JAJA: It serves Taoists and Buddhists, as well as other Chinese traditional faiths
Beverly Lin sihui: i havent been to a temple in a long while
♥JAJA: I know
♥JAJA: you follow western ways now
♥JAJA: I found out that the Mayor of Beijing is also called Jinlong
♥JAJA: hehe
♥JAJA: otherwise it seems to be a rather rare name
♥JAJA: you still there?
Beverly Lin sihui: yea..
Beverly Lin sihui: actually....i know where ure coming from, not able to be emotional and all..but since all these are after all online...i wouldnt know for sure if ure telling me the truth after all?Initially yes i believed you.. but the more you emphasised your "condition" especially whenever youre trying to get away from the fact that you just arent commited enough, the more i find myself not really buying excuses anymore. i am really disappointed if that is the case just try n put myself into ur shoes. Truth is, sometimes, I don't even noe whether to believe if you exist as you. Tt's how i feel :/
♥JAJA: we've been through this
♥JAJA: I am real
♥JAJA: and yes, I find it hard to commit myself to something
♥JAJA: you seem to be having another "revolution"
♥JAJA: If that's how you are going to be, then I will let you have your revolution. I am not sure I will like the new you and much as I like the old you.
Beverly Lin Sihui: WHY R U ALWAYS THINKING I'M THE ONE WHOS CHANGING WHEN ITS NT MY FAULT!?? THE WAY I FEEL NOW JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU HAVENT PROVEN ENOUGH TO ME THAT YOU'RE AS REAL AS U SO CLAIM YOU ARE. I've been feeling like that for a VERY long time just that I'm controlling everything because I don't want to hurt you.
♥JAJA: I see. A revolution
♥JAJA: what sparked this off? new ideas?
♥JAJA: last time you were hyped up because someone else had it
♥JAJA: who's the scaremonger? who has been telling you things they cannot prove?
Beverly Lin sihui: NOBODY.
♥JAJA: then someTHING has been feeding you with false information
Beverly Lin sihui: THING? I can think on my own n I don't need someTHING telling me anyTHING
♥JAJA: then why the revolution?
Beverly Lin sihui: There's no revolution, that's my brain
♥JAJA: well, in the name of the 12 Olympians, I pray that you come to your senses soon
♥JAJA: and that the aliens let go of your mind before they make your head explode
OK, I'M FUCKING PISSED NOW.
Answer to Problem Statement: No, there is not.
And.....IF HE EVER WANTS TO TALK TO ME, HE BETTER APOLOGISE. AND HE BETTER HOPE IT'S NOT TOO LITTLE TOO LATE.
what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 2:22 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words
0 people in the crowd heard my words
