Wednesday, June 11, 2008

"When I grow up, I wanna be a beautiful bride with my prince."

You know when you're young and have no idea how the world outside your house works, and all you want to be is a bride? That's probably how I'm feeling now because I have no idea what I will do if I continue in the Science pathway to "Greatness". It all seems so vague, my future, where I have no way out of this and I definitely will not be able to get into the university with my score.

I feel really lonely sometimes even when I am surrounded by friends, friends whom I thought knew me really well, or so I thought. Well, except one or two of them who know me BEST. Everyday I do not get to indulge in something I want to do for the rest of my life, instead I'm stuck in a stupid lab surrounded by machines and recombinant DNA and cells and SCIENCE.

A place where I understand nothing about and when my teammates tell me about the project and what I can put into my report, it goes in one ear and out the other. Why am I a talentless freak as I am?? Even so, studying is made difficult because I have no talent whatsoever in science, life science, any science. SCIENCE, SCIENCE, SCIENCE, you make me sick. *Ice, you're so lucky you have a "thing" for science, how I wish I could have that "thing" too.

This is me, left at the train station when all my teammates have piled into the running steam machine that goes further and further. I, am still at the starting point and not knowing what is going on. Them at the 2-3 pages of their report and I, only at the 1st page. How pathetic is that. Them discussing the report now and I, blogging away at the moment instead of asking them to help me with my report with them here now. They're probably gonna grade me really poorly in the evaluation when the time comes. And they're gonna get A*s and I'll get a F because when time comes for the presentation, all that will come out of my mouth is, "Er... the proteins... erm... they... I..." "The project is used as a detection kit to find the proteins in the periplasmic space... " says teammate A. And I'll fade into the background with the assessors frowning at me.

14:31pm, Wednesday

I'm doing my report now in the lab and maybe, jut maybe I can squeeze something out of my teammates that can help out more in my project. Of course, "Thank you Sherilyn!!" you're my life saver because you "lent" me your report. Or else I'll never get out of the two hundreth part of my report. How can I live WITHOUT you?? Thank you Nesha also!! For telling me that you'll help me when you can! MUACK!! You're all the best! SHERILYN, NESHA, HAFIZAH AND DANIEL!! Sorry for being so dumb+clueless+stupid and all. =((( Now we're just waiting for the gel to stain and destain and after that, we have to scan the gel and save the picture for examination. Great. Like I can remember my SDS PAGE staff, Dr Ng will surely ask me. -.- Fuck.